Sometimes, things need to be said. When someone is unaware of a problem, they should be informed, either directly or indirectly. To understate or overstate the problem would not be helpful. To assign blame when assigning blame is unnecessary would be hurtful.
Other times, things do not need to be said. When someone is aware of a problem, they do not need to be reminded or told again. To restate the problem would at best be a slight insult to the intelligence, at worst cause emotional harm.
How do we know when to say something and when to refrain? We have to understand not only the importance of our words, but also the need of the recipient to hear them. We have to weigh our impulse to say something against the effect those utterances have on the recipient.
If we want to be kind to others, it is not enough to want or need to say something. We must understand the listener’s state of mind and be empathetic to their doubts and insecurities.
The intention behind our words does not matter. What matters is the effect those words have on others.
Words matter.